Seen, Known, Loved

I was driving home, just left getting food, and just getting off of work…

I was in such a low moment and the music that I had been listening to wasn’t cutting it any longer.

I decided to go through my songs and found Rest by Kari Jobe. I found myself dissociating not paying attention to the words, not even really to focused on where I was going.

I wasn’t there.

All I knew was I was triggered and the weight of the world was on my shoulders and I had nowhere to go and nowhere I wanted to be.

Still driving… the words I’m seen, I’m known, I’m loved by my father pierced through me like a sword was piercing through my skin.

Painful right?!

God saw me in my lowest moment when I felt alone and He embraced me and called me by name.

In Psalms 34:18 it mentions how God is near to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

For so long I’ve wrestled with the thought along with many others of why does it feel like during my darkest moments in life is where I feel the most alone, where I wished I had a close circle of friends that I could just vomit everything to, or even the purpose behind the mayhem or so it feels like in the moment.

I was then challenged by that recently when I faced more hard moments in life…

But then I found myself surrounded by ladies who are not only loving on me during this time, but also pouring into me, showing me what it feels like to be seen, heard, known, and loved, but even more so that God

SEES ME, KNOWS ME, LOVES ME!

You see God will speak to you about something that sometimes isn’t meant to happen until later in your life.

Two years ago God told me about connections that was going to take place in my life. For me I naturally counted myself out, I didn’t think I was good enough, I didn’t think I was someone worth getting to know.

It was that same promise from two years ago that God put into action this year.

My word for the year is healing. The difference with this year’s word is that it wasn’t just a promise that I was making, but work that I would be doing.

It was this year the connections promised would be the thing I needed the most.

I made a decision that I wasn’t going to let fear keep me from experiencing healing, but be the anchor for me to make the first step.

I never thought of myself as someone who would ever make the first step and ask for help.

As I’ve been to myself more I’ve been reading more. I’ve been reading two different books called Reframe Your Shame by Irene Rollins and Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab.

If you could see how marked up these books are!

In chapter 4 of Reframe Your Shame, one thing that stuck was about Developmental Fractures.

She mentioned an extreme effect of big t’s (big trauma’s) and little t’s (little trauma’s) can cause damage to us developing as a child into adulthood.

One of those extremes where feeling needless/ wantless and don’t ask for help from others, don’t know how to acknowledge when they need something, and don’t even know that it is okay to take care of their wants in life.

Sounds familiar?!

Then I went to the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra began talking about how we tend to have unhealthy boundaries and it’s often because we don’t state our boundary nor stick with them.

She then wrote “It’s your responsibility to tell people how burdened you are in your relationships”

With both of these books I felt like someone had been reading my journal and was putting me on blast.

It was through these books that I began seeing how the dysfunction of my past was creeping into my now. Click the link and buy these books!

All I can say is that I’m not where I want to be, but I am truly grateful that I am not where I used to be.

God is continually revealing to me areas in my life that needs some fine tuning, but it is constantly reminding me of His unconditional love that He has for me that He would want so much more for me.

As I continue to do the work, the more I will be able to be my most free and unfiltered self!

This next season of life I am stepping into is going to be like no other, but I am grateful I am surrounded and covered daily!

If You Don’t Know Now You Know…

God SEES You, KNOWS You, and He LOVES You!